I feel so silly all of the time. last week during my therapy appointment i said how i hated philosophy to which my therapist stopped me and asked “do you really?”. the rest of the appointment was just we talking about philosophical concepts she thought i would like and just discussing the ones that i already know. so i guess i dont really hate philosophy?
but i sure hate how it makes me feel, its just like math and music and many other things that makes me feel like screaming in the middle of the street. theres is so much to learn in the world and we have so little time and most of this already limited time we are supposed to work stupid jobs just so we can survive???? i dont want to spend my days cooking for random rich people who complain about stupid shit, i want to spend my days reading, learning, coding or just creating something.
i sit in my room with all the paintings that ive started but never finished; all the stories in my head begging me to be told to someone and with all that i am and want to be and just bury them deep down a nothings hole. lost forever in the middle of the constant need to survive.